Love and attraction are some of the most confused and misunderstood human emotions when it comes to relationships. You may have experienced deep unexplained feelings for another at some point in your life. But things did not turn out as you had hoped. What happened? You may have also been convinced that you were “in love,” but only later faced the bitter end of betrayed emotions. What happened? Here is what happened; a relationship can have one of two human emotions as its foundation. The first of those emotions is attraction.
Attraction is not necessarily the most logical of human emotions. It is based mostly on having physical or “mechanical” settings that are conducive to generating mutual desire. So two people may find themselves in a relationship based on the mechanical chemistry of attraction. This type of relationship only lasts as long as there are no settings. That would provide the promise and prospect of greater mechanical chemistry. Cheating often results from this type of chemistry, because attraction only holds a relationship together, if nothing “better” comes along.
The second and most reliable foundation for a relationship is love. Love is more than attraction by far! It’s more of a desire to have someone as part of your life which is accompanied by the willingness to share future goals, caring (protective instincts), and the willful commitment of loyalty mutually shared. It stands to reason then that love would not seek to betray the emotions of a loved one, because that will make it something less than love. When dating, you have to know the difference between the two before you can make any reasonable progress in creating a meaningful relationship. Love is a free choice. Attraction is a reaction that is not always logical and can control a person and make them unstable in a relationship if they let it be their main criterion for starting a relationship.
Any woman can get more love, romance, affection, attention, and cherishing from any man by going soft – by dropping her defenses, sinking into her real feelings, and speaking from her heart.
I was thinking about softness, and how it changes your messages in life. They are all very intelligent, very controlling, and very guarded. We don’t want anyone to see tears run down our cheeks in the middle of a documentary on the child sex trade, we don’t want anyone listening to our prayers when we are begging God to help us, we don’t want anyone seeing our blunders and mistakes. They don’t want people to see that we have an unhappy marriage. That we feel isolated from strong life-giving friendships, or that we doubt ourselves. We don’t want people to see that we are really just little children playing in an adult world. So instead we cultivate our intellect, we gather our opinions and we make plans to where we are headed in life.
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I remember a night that was twenty years ago. A night where my girlfriend was telling me that we had to get married as she was pregnant on the back steps to our apartment… My parents and friends even though they knew I had pre-marital sex with her. Were advising me not to rush into marriage but instead to see. How I feel about my girlfriend in a year when the baby was born and the dust had settled. I was explaining all of this on the back steps of our apartment to my girlfriend and she burst out crying. I asked her why she was crying, as I knew for sure I was speaking sense, in a reasonable way to her.
“If you can’t commit to me now and marry me. How can I ever be sure that you will do it in the future? she sobbed.
My heart melted and I swept her up in my arms.
“Do you love me, Sharon?”
She just nodded her head and continued to cry.
And that was the day we rang each other’s parents and set the date of our wedding.
So many of us want to be accepted and we hide our vulnerable side away in relationships instead of speaking honestly from the heart. When you are vulnerable, instead of running your love will embrace you and wipe your tears away.